here at beingryanbyrd.com, i like to make sure that all my posts are hard-hitting and gravely serious. so, i hereby present: my top 10 grossest foods.
look, i know you’ve all been dying to read this kind of in-depth and personal insight from me and that was keenly brought to my attention today by a friend
. she spoke. i listened.
most people would never guess that i might just be the world’s pickiest eater. i know my slim figure clearly indicates that…. i don’t know why it is, i’m just really picky. mainly, it’s a texture issue (and you can see a fairly distinct texture pattern in the list). ultimately, i just love simple foods and i eat a lot of those simple foods. ok, here’s the list:
10. bleu cheese (cheese or dressing form): first, let me just get this out of the way: i don’t like cheese. yes…that’s the first bomb i’m going to drop on you. second, anything that is purposefully injected with mold should not be introduced to the body…
9. any type of casserole: another truth to establish here: i don’t let foods mix. i’m a one at a time kind of eater and i like to keep foods in their own little distinct area. so, casseroles are the ultimate in mixing foods.
8. tomato soup: don’t eat tomatoes. don’t eat soup made from tomatoes. the smell is horrendous and i have no desire to lap up a bowl of hot, strained tomato.
7. caesar salad (any salad dressing, for that matter): one of my most horrifying food memories involves caesar salad. let’s just say it was a formal dinner in which saying ‘no’ wasn’t really an option…the more i chewed, the bigger it got…slimy, nasty lettuce ended up in my napkin…
6. boiled hot dogs (pink variety): i actually do like hot dogs…only in the grilled variety, though. in fact, i have to have them very well done. boiled hot dogs are just the opposite of that. then, throw in being those fat pink hot dogs, and you’ve got the perfect storm for hot dog nastiness.
5. cottage cheese: anything with the alternate name of ‘curds’ is not entering my system. period.
4. tuna fish: if this list was about bad smells, this would be #1 by a longshot. i literally have a memory as a child on a family vacation where my family decided to make tuna fish (from those nasty little packets) in the hotel room and i had to sit in the bathroom with the door closed until they were done eating and the smell dissipated…
3. velveeta cheese: again, cheese. velveeta cheese (specifically in the form of cheese dip) is the king nasty of them all. like tuna fish, this would also climb near the top of the worst smells list.
2. sour cream: i have a hard time not putting this #1. think about this people: sour. cream. cream. that is sour. that’s not right. just thinking about it, my eyes are watering a little and my body is asking my permission to dry heave…
1. mayonnaise: no doubt about it, if i were to bite into something with mayo without knowing, i would absolutely throw up on the spot. all you need to do is watch someone make mayo from scratch and you will realize that it has absolutely no business on or around our tastebuds.
there ya go. always bringin’ the hard-hitting news stories here on the ol’ blog. comments?